Time to go.

Leg one of my journey, the flight to staging in Philly, begins in about three hours. In about 24 hours, I'll be waking up to get my vaccines (yummm shots), then hop on a bus to New York, then a plane to Zurich, then Nairobi, then finally finally Dar Es Salaam. Of course I can't sleep. I keep arranging and re-arranging my stuff, suddenly deciding that it's incredibly important that I bring my Spanish poetry books. Then I decide that's a stupid idea when I should obviously be focusing on Swahili for the next two years. Then I decide I'll try to sleep... only to get up a minute later to freak out about whether I'm cheating somehow by bringing my ipod. That's really not "living at the level of the community." Ahhhhhhh no time for second thoughts. I've already been over this a million times, and I really do think that having an ipod will make me happier, and thus a more productive volunteer. Crisis resolved. Then I stare at my luggage and think about rearranging it again. But there's only so much you can do with one big duffle, one small backpack, and one guitar that I don't yet know how to play.

I think I had my first "Peace Corps Moment" tonight, staring at all the crap I'm leaving at home. I don't even remember buying most of this stuff, but for each item I possess, there was a moment in which I or whoever bought that item for me believed it was necessary or at least enjoyable enough to be worth whatever it cost. How could that possibly have been true when I am leaving the vast majority of my possessions behind?

Stripped of the essentials, my room feels foreign. Packed bags are anxiously waiting for me downstairs. What I am currently staring at is a room full of stuff but lacking anything necessary. Then back to those bags I'm bringing, all the thoughts that go along with realizing what I consider to be necessary. A netbook? An ipod? I probably won't even have electricity, but I know I will be so much happier for the opportunity to use these items when I can. Should that thought make me as sad as it does?

I am freaking out on every possible level. I think I have invented new levels of freaking out to freak out on. It's kind of impressive.


OK, apparently this blog is going to be a bit more emotional than my others have been. Get excited and/or have your barf bags at the ready...

- Lauren


PS: "Volunteers" was an excellent send-off movie. Thank you, Uncle Jimmy!